laura emily

{ this moment }

blogshare via soulemama. 

my favorite moment this week was taking out my new canon rebel from the box, 

but alas, I have no photo of that. 

what I do have, however, is the first few photos I took after the battery was finish charging. 

no surprise that my first subjects were some of my favorite fluffy family members.  

(and they will continue to dominate my photo memory card & blog until I pop out some human kids). 

sorry! : )

they are well loved, as is my new camera, hank little hawk. 

because.....well. doesn't everyone name their camera? 

sweet failures.

artwork is by kelly mitchell.

“I dreamt...that I had a beehive here inside my heart. And the golden bees were making white combs and sweet honey from my old failures.” antonio machado

often, these evenings, I find myself dipping into ol' memories from this past year. It's easy to feel regret over that, disappointment over this, longing over there.
And just as I began my gathering of failures into a new year's resolutions list for 2012, an acquaintance shared this quote.  

i don't want to roll my failures into the new year. 

i'm going to let them be. to have their own space. 

perhaps, I'll find their sweetness in 2012, opposed to being a year undoing last year's mistakes. 

Yes, I didn't get every drawer organized, like I wanted. We didn't get to travel. I didn't drop those pounds that lingered after the disease. I didn't write everyday, or choke down my daily quota of water. I didn't get my business launched in October like I had hoped. And I did miscarry my babes again, without much outside support. I wasn't a helpmeet every day for my husband. And I often traded prayer for lamenting. 

2011 was hard. sincerely, utterly and horribly hard.
I cried, screamed, scraped together pennies, threw up more times than anyone should be allowed to, and I didn't reach my goals I had neatly lined up like poplars in the field. I have little fruit to show for the passing year. 

 ...and yet, I'm still so incredibly blessed this day. 

funny how that works. 

these white combs and sweet honey can keep me into the new year. 

and another thing

I'm going to start wearing my husband's pj pants and undershirts from now on until you all nominate me for What Not To Wear. The last time I bought clothes was forever ago....including under clothes. You know there is something wrong when you ask your husband to grab you a shirt and he doesn't have to ask "which one," because there is only one shirt to grab. Whenever I attempt to buy clothes, I find a dozen other responsible things to buy instead......like floss. Can you relate?

in other news: tyler & i just got back from our ingenious idea of walking down to the beach-
...in the rain.
....in the high 30's.
....with wind gust over 44mph.
.....in the pitch black.

I was surprised there was no one else out there.
but then again, I wouldn't have been able to see or hear them.

we left our lavender buds.
i said a quick prayer.
and we marched back to the warm bed & fire place waiting for us.

the wind keeps rattling the windows.
the lights keep flickering.
the tv is all fuzzy.
as is my hair from the aftermath of our walk.

i love a good storm.
i'll love it more when I can feel my face and hands again.

warm glow.

I'm convinced Cedar knows how cute she is....
she's currently sleeping under the tree with Josef, making the cutest snore I've ever heard. 

the slow pace of christmas day -when you fight for it!- is glorious, isn't it? 

this morning the rains finally swept in.
bringing christmas cheer and a cozy quiet afternoon.
the warm glow of the sun is just now shifting under the clouds while he descends.
the amber light of the sun after a rainfall is gorgeous here in the northwest.
all the droplets on the evergreens light up in the reflection.
a nice treat for christmas day.

the husband went off to work recently- the real world doesn't pause for us, does it?
that's ok.
we'll carry our christmas days into tomorrow, while we pack up and head to the ocean for a few days of a quiet, solo retreat. We weren't expecting to go, but the trip fell into our laps and we just couldn't say no.
the time for quiet reflection is just what I need.
as a christian, you get so much emphasis in your life on the death of chirst-
but i find the birth to be meaningful. the start of something beautiful.
god made in flesh, and, a most likely 12 year old, girl saying yes to his design.
i wish i had that kind of courage.
mary doesn't look 12 in my nativity set.
She is pushing 30 at least.
shame. : )

well. today i'm going to spend these quiet hours watching my new season of big love that was waiting under the tree this morning. And sit in the glow of my new lovely Himalayan salt lamp. I love these lamps- putting out negative ions. Negative ions are produced in mass quantities near waterfalls, the ocean, or by evergreens- they create that peaceful, restful and refreshing feeling we get when we visit these areas. The lamps are made from a giant salt crystals from the Himalayan mountains, and when heated by the light bulb, they put off negative ions- refreshing the air, and creating a peaceful feeling. It doesn't hurt that they are gorgeous too. : )

My camera is dead, so I found this photo of salt lamps from Tibetan Salts:

When the amber glow of the sun ceases tonight, I'll snuggle up near my lamp.
thank you, husband, for the gift (and big love! woohoo!).

wishing you all a lovely and beautiful christmas.
drink something hot. snuggle up with the coziest blanket you can find. and find the joy waiting there.
christmas is a beautiful warm glow.

xo, laura emily

solstice brings a pardoning.

some of my favorite days of the year are when you can see god at work-
tilting the planet just so, plunging us into darkness before wrapping us back towards the warm glow.
seasons are lifting & changing, bringing a pardoning.
the official solstice time here was 12:30am this morning.
Technically yesterday was the shortest day of the year for us.
And trust me, it was.
Gloomy. Dark. Freezing. Fog that refused to lift.
we warmed the hours by visiting my brother's family for dinner/gifts and to video chat with our parents who moved to Kansas last year. My brother and his wife bought me, the nerd who refuses to grow up, the new Zelda game. Earlier that day my husband and I were at Target, whispering love words to the display copy that we couldn't justify taking home with us. My brother and sister-in-law, not knowing our sad retreat at Target earlier, saved the day. When someone asks me what I want for a gift, I usually feel compelled to tell them something I need. But this gift was a pure want, bringing that childhood excitement of Christmas morning. The perfect treat for the shortest day of the year.

I wasn't expecting the sunrise to be visible after yesterday's chill, so I was surprised and excited when I crawled out to the backyard and found clear skies this morning.
the sunrise was stunning. I don't think I'll ever grow bored of this morning tradition.
Watching the sun move out from his hiding spot, I scripted out my seasonal card, sipping hot coffee, and clutching my heated rice pack.

My seasonal card is something I started late last year. Creating a short list of things I'd like to accomplish during the coming season. I'll trade out my autumn card for this new one. I don't use it as a to-do list, but rather as a reminder of where I'd like to be when the season is up.
My winter card is filled with business goals, and home projects.

I'll miss autumn, but gosh, I love winter.
it's fitting that we have beautiful sunshine today as we celebrate god bringing back the light.
but I do hope he brings some snow first.
: )

(in other news, keep me in your prayers and thoughts! I came down with something horrible in the middle of night. I think my body decided to join in the releasing ceremony for winter solstice......ugh!).

these cold christmas days.

the weather recently dipped, having me reaching for blankets and steaming cups of cocoa. 

I love cold weather. Absolutely adore.

Sometimes it's hard for me to shift into the slower pace they require.

getting the bulk of my christmas preparation done during mid-autumn helps free up the space

for long mornings, and quiet evenings. 

these last final days of autumn have been freezing. 

Cold mornings require snuggle time with fluffy kitties. 

tyler finished up his semester this week- one left to go until graduation!

homework sprawled out over bed has been replaced with chess sets and trivia games,

the sleeping kitties mildly annoyed when we get in a "you cheated!" talk. 

and I do not cheat. I take opportunities to win.
I love the school break over these quiet days to reconnect with my best friend.
truth be told, I'm often jealous of his other relationship: college.
but december is my month with the mister. college can wait. 

still on the hunt for the perfect crèche for my nativity set. 

....and the angel's missing hand. 

but oh, the soft & warm aroma from these homemade candles made out of oranges are divine.
the perfect distraction from a bare nativity set.  

you have to fill soft cold days with music, naturally.

sufjan stevens has been my favorite musician for ten years now. 

his christmas album is pretty much the only thing we have around here this season. 

That Was the Worst Christmas Ever! usually gets put on repeat.

I'm loving the slower days, but I already feel them slipping out of our hands while the

calendar gets filled with holiday obligations and festivities. 

but until then, I'll rest in these moments of hot cocoa and holiday movies. 

laughing over chess, pulling kitties closer, and humming my favorite christmas hymns.

how are you spending these cold Christmas days? 

the husband mirror

i wish someone told me that when you get married, you essentially take on a living and breathing mirror. 

when you're dancing with your shadows, and working out the ugly, he'll tell you exactly what needs to go. 

I didn't appreciate this, at first. 

in fact, I wanted to punch him every time he pointed out what I could work on. 

he rarely gives suggestions without my request. 

i think he learned that lesson years ago....complete with a full soda pop flying towards his head.

not my proudest moment.

but I'm beginning to see that it's a beautiful gift, this warm and breathing mirror.

he verbally reflects back what I can't see from my own perspective. 

perhaps a tool I haven't been grateful for the past few years. 

so thank you handsome. 

for standing your ground, shielding yourself from flying pop cans, and lovingly pointing out that I could grow in this or that area. you are a precious and brave soul.

working with our shadows is ugly and painful work. 

so I'm grateful god brought me a buddy-partner that brings humor and love to the work. 

this mirror may, at times, excel a little too much for my liking, 

but stripping the ugly layers feels so darn good. 

perfect to embrace, while we let go and release for the new year.

in other news, my sister-in-law and brother told me about how to make a candle out of an orange.

I didn't have any on hand today, but I did have clementines.

I love it! Icky phone-camera quality doesn't capture how cute it is. 

There are buffet of youtube how-to videos if you want to learn to make one. 

all you need is an orange of some sort, oil (any- I used olive oil), and a lighter. 

took me less than 2 minutes to make, and it's been burning for at least 3 hours now. 

i'm in love. 

{ this moment }

blog share via soulemama. 

this week my sisters in SouLodge participated in a 'giveaway,' passing on something special to the woman next in the circle. I was so excited to slap on my stamp and send off my soul medicine for another sister, that I completely forgot that something was coming to me as well! And oh goodness, it is beautiful. The sweet and beautiful Lea, from the group, sent me gorgeous prayer ties: 

one for me, for the hubby, and for our baby we'd like to meet some day soon. 

The letter she tucked inside the package shared similar experiences, 

and was filled with love and encouragement. 

In other words, I bawled my head off. 

Sincerely. Big, ugly sobs with the snot and mascara down to my chin. 

She had tucked in a few other gifts that were so spot on for what I needed- 

I'm keeping them as my own private soul medicine- and they are doing their work!

I can't stress how loved I feel by her thoughtfulness, and her willingness to share with me her own story.  

thank you soulodge sister. I sincerely and completely love you, and I'm so grateful for your gifts. 

this moment will be with me for a long time.

(and if you haven't heard of prayer ties, look into it! It is a beautiful tradition- wrapping individual prayers to hang. 

And as I have discovered this week, it's a beautiful gift!)

In other news, I'm so glad to hear the positive feedback about my news the other day! 

I was nervous announcing the e-course, with the nature of the subject, 

but you ladies helped give me the reinforcement I needed! 

Thank. You. Much!

Mother of All Releasings Ceremony

Winter Solstice with Pixie Campbell (sneak peek) from anne carmack on Vimeo.

there are a few handfuls of people in this world that I'm crazy in love with, 

and Pixie Campbell is certainly one of them. 

I've been wanting to discuss my experiences with SouLodge for awhile now,

but I'm still processing the last session while getting ready for the next. 

until then, enjoy this sneak peak of the Mother of All Releasings Ceremony. 

winter solstice is one of our favorite holidays- 

looking forward to god bringing back the sun to our long cold days. 

i'm so excited to include this ceremony to our celebrations and reflections this year.

perfect timing before 2012.  

my list to release is piling up high. 

i might need two bonfires to accommodate. 

my love story for you.

.

I was about to say it's beginning to feel like Christmas while I'm getting closer to opening up my holistic business on January 15th- and then I saw the Christmas tree in the background of this photo. Oh, Christmas. You are here! So the anticipation and excitement is two-fold. : )

until then, I want to give you a sneak peek at one of my projects I'm pulling together- circling women together online to experience a 10 Day Fast! Fasting, sadly, is often dismissed and overlooked. Some view it as too religious, others pass it off as too legalistic. It's a real shame. Fasting is an important love tool for yourself; whether you're fasting for spiritual insights, creative inspiration, to work through a hard situation, or to just get rid of all the built up toxins in your system. It acts as a reboot. Abstaining from solid food for a stretch of time brings a lot to the surface- it has a way of pulling together the body, the mind, and the spirit in a unique and powerful way.

Fasting has been pretty central in my life- especially when I was dealing with Lyme Disease. In fact, it played a crucial part in curing the so called 'incurable' disease. I can't stress the benefits enough. I'm going to do two groups in 2012 (March & August), and I'm flirting with the idea of a third in December...but it is oh-so-hard to fast during the month of candy canes and beautiful cookies! These groups are not going to be specific to any religious group or intentions- but instead will be a safe and open place for everyone to take up this tool and get the support and community they need. Each day I'll hold journal/discussion prompts, recipes for juicing, fasting tips, as well as offer feedback and a listening ear- as a group we'll share our experiences and support each other through the 10 days.

If you've never fasted, flirt with the concept. Pull the idea on and see how it feels.
If you're struggling with fatigue, depression, going through a career shift, moving, entering or exiting a major relationship, want to break a nasty habit (especially overeating or fast food!), looking for spiritual insight, needing to reboot, bring about your creative juices, working through releasing what doesn't serve you.....and so on!....then fasting could very well serve you.

Registration for our first 10 Day Fast (March 1st), will open up towards the middle of January 2012.
the idea to host a 10 Day fast has been circling around my head for awhile now, but my time in Soulodge helped motivate me to get going! I have a 'calling' to live out.
have I mentioned lately how grateful I am to do this work?
it feels like I'm living out my love story for the people around me.  : )