Confession-
Yesterday, as I was compiling orders, I watched Dr. Phil. Yup. Straight up intentionally put Dr. Phil on and watched. I don’t generally find myself watching talk shows, but when I heard that part of Dr. Phil’s show on Friday was addressing Lyme disease, I had to tune in.
I don't have many photos of us during the 'sick years' but
this is my favorite. I looked normal on the outside, but I couldn't
function well. Nor did I have energy to tell him I hated his hair cut and glasses....and shirt. :)
So I watched it. And then I sobbed for a solid hour- who are we kidding, it was a few dozen repeat listening sessions to this song and half a box of Kleenex later until I was ready to face the rest of my day.
As you may know, since I talk sideways at it so often, I had Lyme disease. For five years. Most of the time I narrow that down to four years- I don’t count the first year prior to being diagnosed. That year was just pure hell and deserves its own disease title: hellinism.
The Dr. Phil show did a horrible job recapping what Lyme disease is, but what they did get right is how people who struggle with this disease are for some strange reason over looked by the community- despite being the fastest growing infectious disease in America. It seems we come together and encourage and support individuals with diseases that we understand better, but let the unknowns slip through our fingers. We also require someone to play sick to really be sick. Someone once told me, “you look fine on the outside so it can’t be that bad.” And from that moment on, I hid being sick, which often meant hiding myself.
And dear old Tyler- goodness, that man! Tyler single handedly cooked the meals, took care of the house, the yard, the grocery shopping, all the errands, worked full time and attended college full time, got me to my appointments, and drove me to all 24 piano lessons I had each week. I would set up the bathtub with blankets and pillows, snacks and water so he didn’t have to worry about coming home from school or work to help me get to the toilet. Whereas I needed some physical help, I think Tyler needed a hot meal and hug.
I don’t have Lyme disease any longer, and if you know of someone who is struggling with this disease, get in contact with me. I am more than happy to share what cured me. I haven’t restored all of my health yet. I’m getting better each day, but I still have a ‘day in bed’ here and there. The hardest part, however, during this aftermath, is dealing with unresolved pain with the community around me.
The show brought up all this pain I didn’t realize was even there- so naturally I didn’t finish. It felt too sore, too raw. Years of my life where I justified and made up excuses for why our circle of friends and family didn’t acknowledge what Tyler and I were struggling through. And while that is in the past, and I’m really ok with how it played out, I realized that I am much more closed off today because of it. I keep up walls- beautiful neat row of poplars that I cultivated to protect me. So I’m going to work on that more. Opening up, trusting, and loving a bit harder, a bit more resolved.
In any case, if you get anything out of this rambling at all- may it be this: If you know someone who is struggling with any sickness, love them hard.
Love on their family. Love on their home or their yard. I don't really care if you don't understand what their disease is, or how sick they seem to you- love on them harder all the more.
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