peeking out from my covers.
I took a shower.
and then I brushed my teeth.
had Neil Young sing to me over and over again, ‘Old Man.’
and moved slowly.
and i'm missing you all.
life has been hell this past month.
Lost twenty pounds in a little over a week.
blacked out more times than I care to remember.
compromised out of fear & took prescribed treatments and medication that I knew were all wrong for me.
discovered my hands don't work well enough to play the piano....after twenty years playing.
forgot my name in the hospital.
threw my herbal business into pure chaos.
cried more than I thought was possible.
I can fold into a hundred prayers or curse words at any moment,
but when I'm sleepy, and Neil is singing ever so, there is a single moment where I take in a breath and I can see past what is happening within me to see what is around me. And goodness....I'm blessed.
card after card & gift after gift from lovely souls I have never met recently showed up (thank you, blog-friends and soulodge sisters. Your support has been the greatest treasure).
and one of the great loves of my life (Beth, I heart you), delivered flowers that I discovered quite some time later as I came out of my stupor.
and goodness, I have a really good man by my side. While all this crap was going on, he completed his finals and graduated college, worked full time, processed my pending orders over at the shop, canceled my piano lessons, arranged for meals, and took care of me full time. And when I was throwing ugly words his way in pure rage over my circumstances, he just rubbed my feet and loved me through it.
so here I am peeking out. We're going to try reverse what is physically going on naturally now. We gave the docs their chance, but knew it wasn't the right fit. So I'll share that journey with you over the next few weeks. The shop will be back up in June and I am super excited to start preparing for the August fast group (which my body desperately needs!). Gotta make time for some healing. :)
Missing you all.
xo, laura emily