it's gone.
all gone. Everything we owned....gone.
the pots and pans,
the blankets and clothes.
even the thumbtacks on the wall.
off to new homes and beloved friends.
we 'Grinched' ourselves real good.
and it feels nice.
hello home. You are FULL of something still, scents of cedarwood and light and one cozy & empty couple.
turkey vulture has been dancing about these grounds the past few months. planting the seed that it was time to strip away what didn't serve- what wasn't producing. And in a way, I feel like it came to this- this night. This shift. I'm sitting in an empty home. With a mini altar we constructed from what the backyard could provide for us to our first babe who passed through in the womb. He would be 4 today- or is it three?- and we named him Abraham. I imagined he liked ice cream like his father, and hated mainstream music like his mum. I know his freckles. His laugh. His taste in soccer and annoying habit of interrupting me in mid sentence. And now, that I'm sitting in a house I spent days emptying out I'm wondering if I'm looking for him in these walls. Like he'd appear in flesh finally. I imagine if we have a boy someday in the future, we'll name him Abraham again, because this soul feels like ours to raise. And so I gave everything away to make room for his sweetness.
Or maybe I just couldn't handle the draining energy of so much STUFF.
You know that 'thing' that a certain 'person' gave you? And everytime you see that thing it weaves a little bit of negativity into your day? That pretty much summed up our home. Our dishes, our bed, wall art, clothes- they continued to weave negativity in and out of our moments. We decided to keep what brought us joy and sustained our vision for our life....and we were left with nothing! Eye opening, indeed.
During the sale, I forgot Hank Little Hawk.....our camera. And yes, I name everything. So I have no photos to show you- but sufficient to say, I had hearts and robots on all our signs, and was content to watch everything leave our hands. The only items that were hard to part with were our book collection- over 250 goodies that we loved dearly, but were ready to send off nonetheless. They ALL went to the same soul, and I'm happy to know they will be loved and used.
But our crazy adventure this week has taught me something- that little notion of clearing for the new to move in? It is tangible, life changing, and ever expanding. I knew I was in for an uncomfortable shift, but turkey vulture is leading the way, and I love the support I know I have here when I just need to scream. I miss my babe I never met face to face, and the sweet little souls that have come and gone after him, and I guess tonight, in this empty space, I'm wishing he was here for me to scold.....because it is way past his bedtime.
